The Renewal of Your Mind
This is another look back to move forward - the goal is not to dwell on these regrets but to name them. Take away their power. Begin the process of healing and resetting your mindset. Take some time answering these questions - (#5) What is the best thing that has ever happened to you? (#6) What is the worst thing that has ever happened to you? What are your biggest regrets in life - (#7) choices made and (#8) opportunities missed? And remember…
You are not your worst decision, your biggest mistake, or your worst day. But you also aren’t your best decision, your biggest triumph, or your best day. So, stay humble. Recall your worst before you judge someone for theirs. Regrets are memorable. Seemingly out of sight and out of mind, until there is a trigger, that may or may not be related, that brings it to the forefront of your mind. My regrets rear up as shame and studying shame from a worldly and Biblical view helped me ultimately overcome it; not to say I am rid of it but my hyperawareness of what it is and who God is, defuses its power. My studies led me down a rabbit hole of two concepts - here is the skinny:
Neural pathways - When you think or learn something new, certain neurons become activated. If this process is repeated, the connections between these neurons strengthen. This is often described by the phrase "cells that fire together, wire together," which emphasizes the idea that repeated activation enhances the pathways. When you recall a thought, you activate the associated neural pathway. The strength and efficiency of this pathway influence how easily you can retrieve that thought. Emotions, experiences, and environment can shape neural pathways. Positive reinforcement, for example, can strengthen certain pathways, while negative experiences can lead to the weakening of others.
Neuroplasticity - The brain is highly adaptable which allows it to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections. This means that thoughts and behaviors can change as you learn and experience new things.
There is so much still unknown about the human mind but I want you to take away two key points from the above - (1) our minds are highly adaptable and (2) what we focus on matters.
I wouldn’t have considered myself to be ungrateful prior but stacking gratitude over regret has changed how these thoughts impact me. I start each morning with ghl / gtG / e - standing for: Grateful for…, Highlight (yesterday), Lowlight (yesterday), Give to God, and Expectation (today). More on this later but setting a mindset for the day and being conscious of these ‘neural pathways’ and where they lead, has been instrumental in me escaping the recurring/negative thought patterns. The spirit of gratitude refers to an attitude or mindset characterized by a deep appreciation for the positive aspects of life, people, and experiences:
Appreciation: Recognizing and valuing the good things in life, whether they are big or small. This includes relationships, experiences, and even challenges that lead to personal growth.
Positive Outlook: Cultivating a hopeful and optimistic perspective. People with a spirit of gratitude tend to focus on what they have rather than what they lack.
Mindfulness: Being present in the moment and aware of the positive influences around you. This mindfulness enhances the ability to appreciate life as it unfolds.
Connection: Fostering deeper connections with others. Expressing gratitude can strengthen relationships, as it creates a sense of acknowledgment and reciprocity.
Emotional Well-Being: Practicing gratitude is linked to improved mental health, reducing feelings of anxiety and depression. It can lead to greater overall happiness and life satisfaction.
Resilience: A spirit of gratitude can help individuals navigate difficult times by providing a framework for finding meaning and hope, allowing them to bounce back from challenges more easily.
Action: This spirit often inspires acts of kindness and generosity, as grateful individuals may feel compelled to give back or support others
A metaphor I like to use pertains to people leaving online reviews…humans are much more likely to leave a negative review for the smallest of infractions or inconveniences and only think to leave a positive review if their expectations were far exceeded. Memories work similarly. We dwell on the negative and recall it over and over and that paves a neural pathway, which is a rut that your mind gets stuck in and reverts back to because it is the path of least resistance. We must actively work to reset this as described above. I tried for over a year by my own will power and grit until I was devastated by my lack of success. And I did something I have never done before - I admitted I needed help. Admitted defeat. Admitted that I wasn't capable. Weaving back in Enneagram - one of 8s biggest stumbling blocks is control, not of others but of self and relinquishing power by showing vulnerability is counter to our personality type. So, I prayed about it and through several interactions and "coincidences" (I believe God given) found that antidepressants may be a good option. I have always been sensitive to medicine and this was no different. I was on a half dose from the standard and found myself in a constant state of fatigue and brain fog. Eights also have the highest energy of any number, so realistically I probably experienced a normal amount of energy for the first time, but during that literal mind-numbing experience, my mind had a break. The long carved neural pathways became overgrown. I forced my mind to find a new path as I spent that six month period filling my head with God's truth. Books. Bible studies. Christian music. Sermons. I was also in therapy during this time. I wish I hadn't waited until I broke down completely to get help. I could have saved myself and others from a lot of heartache. But what I cling to is that this brought me back to God. Prodigal daughter style. And there is no where else I would rather be.
I do not know what is right for you. I do not know what your struggles are. But I do know that God is bigger than all of it. And he can and will use ugly for good. There are blessings to be had. His grace is sufficient for you. You are forgiven. You are acceptable. You are beautiful. You are loved. You can pave new neural pathways. You can be transformed by the renewal of your mind (Romans 12:2).
