Introduction to Enneagram
To assist with the answering of baseline questions 3 & 4, I would like to introduce you to the Enneagram. I have taken the various personality tests – some more than once…not because I thought the outcome would be different but because I simply couldn’t remember which personality type I was “diagnosed” with initially. I recall taking these tests and being genuinely interested in the outcome, but I didn’t use the information for betterment, if anything I used it as an excuse. For example, I am an enneagram 8, which is known for being blunt and aggressive – in the past, reading that in my summary would make me feel validated – take me or leave me, some people can’t handle the truth…and that’s not my problem. On my journey of self-actualization, which included attending an Enneagram workshop at my church led by Suzanne Stabile, I realized that so much of it is not about me at all. My natural self is blunt and aggressive, I knew that prior to reading the summary, but what if I thought about my attributes as less of a fixture, a burden or something that can divide us and more of a gift that when utilized correctly could contribute positively to the world around me and ultimately to the Kingdom of God? What if I used my directness in a loving manner for exhortation, which may be my spiritual gift? More on spiritual gifts later in the journey.
One of the gifts of the Enneagram is that the best part of you is also the worst part of you.-Suzanne Stabile
There are entire books on the Enneagram and entire books on each of the nine numbers of the Enneagram. You will not become an Enneagram master from reading this post but I hope to at least pique your interest enough to take the test (https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/) and read your results through a lens of betterment. But don’t stop there. I understand the temptation to skip over personality types that you do not identify with or feel that it doesn’t reflect anyone you know but that is missing the point of this whole journey. Understanding others is a key to understanding yourself as a member of society as a whole. Also, all of these are interconnected in several ways so knowing one number and reading one summary would only tell you one side of the story. For example…
Again, I am an 8:
has a wing 7 or wing 9
goes to a 2 in health/security
goes to a 5 in stress
is part of the anger/gut triad with 9 and 1
And I am married to a 3:
has a wing 4 or wing 2
goes to a 6 in health/security
goes to a 9 in stress
is part of the feeling/heart triad with 2 and 4
Within my marriage, all the numbers are covered or affiliated in some way and me having a deep understanding of each has a positive impact on my marriage in a way I would never have expected. Me recognizing within myself (thought patterns) or observed about my partner (behaviors) can be a signal that something is awry.
I hope as you start down this path of self-discovery that you will ultimately have greater compassion for yourself and others. When I find someone intolerable, my first thought used to be a sarcastic, “why are you the way that you are?” – now I ask the same question, but it is in earnest, and I seek out the answer. If you are a reader like me, I strongly suggest The Road Back to You by Ian Morgan Cron & Suzanne Stabile and if this is something that resonates with you, perhaps Suzanne’s other books – The Path Between Us & The Journey Toward Wholeness.
