The 5 Love Languages
Questions 9-10: How do you show others love? What makes you feel the most loved?
When I was at one of my lowest points I said to my therapist that I just wanted to be alone. I thought I deserved isolation. Deserved to be miserable. It would be unfair for someone to love me as I was. By this point there was a clear pattern of thought and behavior that could only be described as self-sabotage. I didn’t want anyone to try to cheer me up, do anything for me, give me anything, spend time with me, and certainly not to touch me in a loving manner. If you know about the five love languages (Dr. Gary Chapman), you know that love isn’t just a nicety - it is a primary human emotional need. My therapist said to me: “Katie, you come out of the womb with a desire to be held, and that doesn’t change.” That discussion was instrumental in starting to decipher and unravel the lies from the enemy that by this point I had allowed little by little to infiltrate my core beliefs - not just about who I am, but who God is.
Anything that is NOT LOVE is NOT GOD because GOD is LOVE (1 John 4:8)
Our love for people should be a reflection of God’s love for us. As with Enneagram, I suggest taking the Assessment for the 5 Love Languages (https://5lovelanguages.com/). The five love languages, as described by Dr. Gary Chapman, are different ways people express and receive love:
Words of Affirmation: This love language involves expressing love through spoken or written words of appreciation, encouragement, and validation.
Acts of Service: For those who resonate with this love language, actions speak louder than words. Doing helpful things for your partner, like chores or running errands, shows love.
Receiving Gifts: This love language focuses on the thoughtfulness behind giving and receiving gifts. It's not about materialism but rather the sentiment and effort behind the gesture.
Quality Time: This emphasizes the importance of undivided attention and spending meaningful time together. It’s about being present and engaged with each other.
Physical Touch: This includes any form of physical contact, like hugs, kisses, or holding hands. For some, physical affection is a primary way to express and receive love.
My husband and I have always enjoyed stand-up comedy and I was recently watching a clip from Taylor Tomlinson and she made the comment that your love language is whatever you aren’t getting enough of from your partner. I don’t usually expect profoundness from comedy but I have thought about it a lot and I believe there is quite a bit of truth in this. We need a combination of all five and while we probably gravitate toward one or two in truly feeling loved, don’t discount the power of the others.
Of course it is easy to read these and look at your significant other feeling like they aren’t doing enough - be sure to look in the mirror. This is not a blog on relationships but I do believe that we are right where we are supposed to be and where there is love there is the possibility to flourish.
