Expectation Setting
You may be able to guess that the next post will involve goal setting and you may be thinking that I went in reverse order - shouldn’t you set goals, then expectations, then intentions? I prefer this order because people tend to set goals that are driven more by outer influence and don’t reflect their inner being, so starting with your heart and soul will hopefully drive you to set goals that align. Also, glazing over the hard part - setting intentions (making a plan to achieve that goal) and setting expectations (being realistic about what that plan looks like) - greatly reduces the rate of success.
Our expectations reflect our assumptions or predictions about the future based on past experiences/current circumstances. We all have expectations whether we thoughtfully set them or not. This differs from intention which is usually a conscious decision to act in a certain way or create a pathway toward success for a specific goal. As discussed in the last post, intentionality is driven by and reflects our values, beliefs and motivations.
Our emotions are deeply rooted in our expectations. While I am all about people setting lofty goals and “shooting for the moon,” it is very important that expectations are the opposite - possible & realistic. Similarly to the last post of setting intentions, I think expectations are something that should be revisited early and often, especially when we feel like our expectations are routinely not being met, but for this initial exercise, think longer term. Over the next year, what do you expect of yourself? What do you expect of others - direct family, extended family, friends, your boss, your co-workers, your employees? What do you expect of your community? What do you expect of your circumstances? What do you expect of your career/lifestyle?
Your plans change with your intentions as your emotions change with your expectations. This will hopefully become a cycle of acknowledging your feelings, assessing the situation, communicating openly, reframing based on present reality, reflecting on what you learned from experience, and finding a flexible solution. Remember, expectation is the thief of appreciation - if you feel ungrateful, check in with your expectations.
Expectations are one of the few things we can control, not easily necessarily, but it is within our power:
Take Ownership: Recognize that you set your own expectations. Reflect on whether they are realistic or aligned with your values.
Be Adaptable: Understand that circumstances change. Being flexible allows you to adjust your expectations and reduce disappointment.
Have a Growth Mindset: View mismatched expectations as opportunities for growth and learning.
Be Mindful: Practice being present and accepting reality as it is, rather than how you expected it to be. This can help reduce negative feelings.
Feel Empowered: Take proactive steps to create the reality you desire.
Embrace Gratitude: Being grateful can shift your perspective, increase resilience, enhance well-being, improve relationships, and reduce pressure.
Let it go: Sometimes the best thing you can do is either rid yourself of expectations or rid yourself of the source that isn’t meeting them.
